


look at you now

by phloridas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, based on the stop speak support events of yesterday (and our overwhelmingly supportive reactions), he's an inspiration to us all, mentions of depression, phil is just really proud of dan okay, truly lethal amounts of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 23:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13624197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phloridas/pseuds/phloridas
Summary: It's been a long road to get Dan to the inspiration status he's reached today.But Phil wouldn't dream of missing a single second of that journey.This fic has now been translated into Russian!Huge thanks to @vanilla-dinosaur for taking the time to do this!





	look at you now

Phil remembers the days when he could barely take a step in their own flat for fear of cracking Dan’s shattered exterior even more. They still burn behind his eyes, linger at the edges of his thoughts like a snake waiting to strike.

Maybe because they haven’t completely left.

Sure, the long stretches of this darkness have all but disappeared. They both know what to do when it sneaks back up--sharing a bed helps a whole lot. Phil keeps an ear on the moon room the days Dan shuffles back there after breakfast, tries to coax him into doing a little exercise or breaks into their stash of bath bombs and runs a bath fit for a king. He rarely moves farther than the lounge except to fix a plate bursting with colour and vitamins--and a teeny bit of chocolate, of course. And the moments Dan’s face collapses with emotion after hours of vacant stares and little movement are the moments Phil pulls him tight, tight to his chest and holds him there, wishing over and over that he could bring light to the darkest corners of Dan’s mind.

No matter how much easier it is now, it’s never any less terrifying.

But that’s not what today is about. Today is huge smiles and deep sighs and loosened limbs as Dan steps through the front door and Phil greets him with a shoulder rub and a flurry of questions teasing at his lips.

Dan answers them all with a beam that illuminates his entire face and a soft, “It was great. Really great. Fulfilling too, actually, but I’m glad to be home.”

Phil could just pick Dan up and spin him around the room, he’s so happy. He settles on a hug tight and close enough that some of the love spilling over from his heart can melt into Dan. It’s the same feeling he had when Dan texted him midway through and when the organization’s Instagram story started going up, now multiplied by thousands.

“Meeting the Duke of Cambridge for the second time is just ‘great’ for you now?” Phil prods, brushing a curl across Dan’s forehead and rubbing a thumb along his cheek. “God, next thing I know you two will be riding horses and giggling over expensive champagne.” He rubs a toe along the fuzzy grey carpet. His heart may be full, but it still twists at the thought.

Dan chuckles softly, a lovely rose tinting his dimpled cheeks. “You really think I’ve got an invite to Kensington Palace just after doing this campaign with Prince William? Babe. You know I’m not that special.” His hand is ice against Phil’s bare arm but warms up quickly.

“He sure was paying close attention to you, though. And I don’t blame him, not with this teddy bear junper.” Phil isn’t sure why his voice catches. His eyes flicker from Dan to the the tiny white bowl of flat keys and Oyster cards on the front table and back again.

“Phil, oh my god.” Dan’s whole body shakes with that hyena cackle. “You think I’m gonna leave you to run off with the royal family? You know as well as anyone they aren’t anything people make them out to be. Besides,” he pushes against Phil’s arm, “you know they could never hide in the corner with me at parties and eat all the food.”

Okay, maybe he is being stupid. But  _ damn _ if Dan didn’t look absolutely ravishing today.

“You know I’m so proud of you for doing this, right?” Phil pinches a bit of Dan’s jumper and rubs it between his fingers, luxuriating in the plush fuzz. “It’s really cool that you’re using our weird status to speak out about this stuff. You’re helping so many people with this, too. Just check out your Twitter mentions.”

Dan just bites his lip and starts for the kitchen, but there’s no denying the deep flush at the back of his neck. Phil’s right on his heels like an overeager puppy. Can Dan blame him for being this clingy, though?

It’s a quiet night, one they both desperately need, with stir fry crackling on the stove and sizzling on their tongues. It’s a night of anime binging until reality falls away, of heavy heads on shoulders and lazy lips on cheeks and chins and lips until Phil’s whines and shuffling grow so insistent that his foot slides onto the remote and plunges the previously dim room into near-total darkness.  _ Well, that’s one way to get back to the bedroom. _

He fills Dan up with every bit of his pride, Dan’s giant smile from this morning tattooed to the back of Phil’s eyelids and proving yet again he’s continued to make the right choice every day for almost nine years now. It hits him just as he’s slipping into sleep that Dan’s an inspiration not just to him, but to the entire world. He’s gotten others to speak up about their problems, to live the best lives they can, hell, even to start their own YouTube channels. And all before twenty-seven years old? It’s enough to make Phil’s head spin.

Sure, there’s days when Dan’s nothing more than a shell of his true self, when the ghosts and demons threaten to drag him further and further from Phil until Phil’s chest splits from the pain and he can barely keep himself together. But now they’re contrasted by days that have been coming more and more in the last few years, where he blossoms before Phil. Days where Phil could drown in his joy and laughter and still never get enough. 

Maybe it’s not the world’s best compromise. But it’s enough for Phil.

(And honestly? For Phil, it is the world.)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/phloridas) and [Tumblr](http://phloridas.tumblr.com) @phloridas!
> 
> This is basically a huge thank you to Dan for not only sharing his story and pulling himself (mostly) out of the hole that is his depression, but also for speaking out about mental health and cyberbullying and using his experiences to help others. Yesterday's overwhelming show of support for Dan's Stop Speak Support involvement inspired me to finally call my school's counseling services and set an appointment to talk about the anxiety that's been intruding on my life for far too long (a HUGE step for me) and I'm already feeling a bit more relieved! The fantastic Phandom Gives has also started on a fundraiser for Dan's birthday to raise money for Young Minds, which you can find [here](https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/phandomgives-dan27) if you'd like to donate or just spread the word! Let's show Dan just how much he means to us all by giving him his best birthday present ever! <3


End file.
